Balance Sheet of Life
Our Birth is our Opening Balance
Our Death is our Closing Balance
Our Prejudiced Views are our Liabilities
Our Creative Ideas are our Assets
Heart is our Current Asset
Soul is our Fixed Asset
Brain is our Fixed Deposit
Thinking is our Current Account
Achievements are our Capital
Character & Morals, our Stock-in-Trade
Friends are our General Reserves
Values & Behavior are our Goodwill
Patience is our Interest Earned
Love is our Dividend
Children are our Bonus Issues
Education is Brands / Patents
Knowledge is our Investment
Experience is our Premium Account
The Aim should be to Tally the Balance Sheet Accurately and
The Goal should be to get the Best Presented Accounts Award
Wednesday 30 December 2009
spare 10 min 4 INDIA......A.P.J.Abdul Kalam
* The President of India DR. A. P. J. Abdul Kalam 's Speech in Hyderabad .
* Why is the media here so negative?
Why are we in India so embarrassed to recognize our own strengths, our achievements?
We are such a great nation. We have so many amazing success stories but we refuse acknowledge them---Why?
We are the first in milk production. We are number one in Remote sensing satellites. We are the second largest producer of wheat.We are the second largest producer of rice. Look at Dr. Sudarshan, he has transferred the tribal village into a self-sustaining, self-driving unit.
There are millions of such achievements but our media is only obsessed in the bad news and failures and disasters.
I was in Tel Aviv once and I was reading the Israeli newspaper. It was the day after a lot of attacks and bombardments and deaths had taken place. The Hamas had struck.. But the front page of the newspaper had the picture of a Jewish gentleman who in five years had transformed his desert into an orchid and a granary. It was this inspiring picture that everyone woke up to. The gory details of killings, bombardments, deaths, were inside in the newspaper, buried among other news.
In India we only read about death, sickness, terrorism, crime.
Why are we so NEGATIVE? ]
Another question: Why are we, as a nation so obsessed with foreign things? We want foreign T. Vs, we want foreign shirts. We want foreign technology.
Why this obsession with everything imported. Do we not realize that self-respect comes with self-reliance? I was in Hyderabad giving this lecture,when a 14 year old girl asked me for my autograph. I asked her what her goal in life is. She replied: I want to live in a developed India. For her, you and I will have to build this developed India. You must proclaim. India is not an under-developed nation; it is a highly developed nation.
Do you have 10 minutes? Allow me to come back with a vengeance. Got 10 minutes for your country? If yes, then read; otherwise, choice is yours.YOU say that our government is inefficient.YOU say that our laws are too old. YOU say that the municipality does not pick up the garbage. YOU say that the phones don't work, the railways are a joke, The airline is the worst in the world, mails never reach their destination.. YOU say that our country has been fed to the dogs and is the absolute pits.
YOU say, say and say.. What do YOU do about it?
Take a person on his way to Singapore. Give him a name - YOURS. Give him aface - YOURS. YOU walk out of the airport and you are at your International best. In Singapore you don't throw cigarette butts on the roads or eat in the stores. YOU are as proud of their Underground links as they are. You pay $5 (approx. Rs. 60) to drive through Orchard Road (equivalent of Mahim Causeway or Pedder Road ) between 5 PM and 8 PM. YOU come back to the parking lot to punch your parking ticket if you have over stayed in a restaurant or a shopping mall irrespective of your status identity... In Singapore you don't say anything, DO YOU?
YOU wouldn't dare to eat in public during Ramzan, in Dubai. YOU would not dare to go out without your head covered in Jeddah.
YOU would not dare to buy an employee of the telephone exchange in London at 10 pounds (Rs.650) a month to, 'see to it that my STD and ISD calls are billed to someone else..
' YOU would not dare to speed beyond 55 mph (88 km/h) in Washington and then tell the traffic cop,'Jaanta hai main kaun hoon (Do you know who I am?). I am so and so's son. Take your two bucks and get lost.'
YOU wouldn't chuck an empty coconut shell anywhere other than the garbage pail on the beaches in Australia and NewZealand
Why don't YOU spit Paan on the streets of Tokyo? Why don't YOU use examination jockeys or buy fake certificates in Boston???
We are still talking of the same YOU.. YOU who can respect and conform to a foreign system in other countries but cannot in your own. You who will throw papers and cigarettes on the road the moment you touch Indian ground. If you can be an involved and appreciative citizen in an alien country, why cannot you be the same here in India?
Once in an interview, the famous Ex-municipal commissioner of Bombay, Mr. Tinaikar, had a point to make..
'Rich people's dogs are walked on the streets to leave their affluent droppings all over the place,' he said. 'And then the same people turn around to criticize and blame the authorities for inefficiency and dirty pavements.
What do they expect the officers to do? Go down with a broom every time their dog feels the pressure in his bowels? In America every dog owner has to clean up after his pet has done the job. Same in Japan . Will the Indian citizen do that here?' He's right. We go to the polls to choose a government and after that forfeit all responsibility.
We sit back wanting to be pampered and expect the government to do everything for us whilst our contribution is totally negative. We expect the government to clean up but we are not going to stop chucking garbage all over the place nor are we going to stop to pick up a stray piece of paper and throw it in the bin. We expect the railways to provide clean bathrooms but we are not going to learn the proper use of bathrooms.
We want Indian Airlines and Air India to provide the best of food and toiletries but we are not going to stop pilfering at the least opportunity. This applies even to the staff who is known not to pass on the service to the public. When it comes to burning social issues like those related to women, dowry, girl child! and others, we make loud drawing room protestations and continue to do the reverse at home. Our excuse? 'It's the whole system which has to change, how will it matter if I alone forego my sons' rights to a dowry.' So who's going to change the system? What does a system consist of? Very conveniently for us it consists of our neighbor's, other households, other cities, other communities and the government.
But definitely not me and YOU. When it comes to us actually making a positive contribution to the system we lock ourselves along with our families into a safe cocoon and look into the distance at countries far away and wait for a Mr.Clean to come along & work miracles for us with a majestic sweep of his hand or we leave the country and run away.
Like lazy cowards hounded by our fears we run to America to bask in their glory and praise their system. When New York becomes insecure we run to England. When England experiences unemployment, we take the next flight out to the Gulf. When the Gulf is war struck, we demand to be rescued and brought home by the Indian government. Everybody is out to abuse and rape the country. Nobody thinks of feeding the system. Our conscience is mortgaged to money.
Dear Indians, The article is highly thought inductive, calls for a greatdeal of introspection and pricks one's conscience too.... I am echoing J. F. Kennedy’s words to his fellow Americans to relate to Indians.....
'ASK WHAT WE CAN DO FOR INDIAAND DO WHAT HAS TO BE DONE TO MAKE INDIA WHAT AMERICA AND OTHER WESTERN COUNTRIES ARE TODAY' Lets do what India needs from us.
* Why is the media here so negative?
Why are we in India so embarrassed to recognize our own strengths, our achievements?
We are such a great nation. We have so many amazing success stories but we refuse acknowledge them---Why?
We are the first in milk production. We are number one in Remote sensing satellites. We are the second largest producer of wheat.We are the second largest producer of rice. Look at Dr. Sudarshan, he has transferred the tribal village into a self-sustaining, self-driving unit.
There are millions of such achievements but our media is only obsessed in the bad news and failures and disasters.
I was in Tel Aviv once and I was reading the Israeli newspaper. It was the day after a lot of attacks and bombardments and deaths had taken place. The Hamas had struck.. But the front page of the newspaper had the picture of a Jewish gentleman who in five years had transformed his desert into an orchid and a granary. It was this inspiring picture that everyone woke up to. The gory details of killings, bombardments, deaths, were inside in the newspaper, buried among other news.
In India we only read about death, sickness, terrorism, crime.
Why are we so NEGATIVE? ]
Another question: Why are we, as a nation so obsessed with foreign things? We want foreign T. Vs, we want foreign shirts. We want foreign technology.
Why this obsession with everything imported. Do we not realize that self-respect comes with self-reliance? I was in Hyderabad giving this lecture,when a 14 year old girl asked me for my autograph. I asked her what her goal in life is. She replied: I want to live in a developed India. For her, you and I will have to build this developed India. You must proclaim. India is not an under-developed nation; it is a highly developed nation.
Do you have 10 minutes? Allow me to come back with a vengeance. Got 10 minutes for your country? If yes, then read; otherwise, choice is yours.YOU say that our government is inefficient.YOU say that our laws are too old. YOU say that the municipality does not pick up the garbage. YOU say that the phones don't work, the railways are a joke, The airline is the worst in the world, mails never reach their destination.. YOU say that our country has been fed to the dogs and is the absolute pits.
YOU say, say and say.. What do YOU do about it?
Take a person on his way to Singapore. Give him a name - YOURS. Give him aface - YOURS. YOU walk out of the airport and you are at your International best. In Singapore you don't throw cigarette butts on the roads or eat in the stores. YOU are as proud of their Underground links as they are. You pay $5 (approx. Rs. 60) to drive through Orchard Road (equivalent of Mahim Causeway or Pedder Road ) between 5 PM and 8 PM. YOU come back to the parking lot to punch your parking ticket if you have over stayed in a restaurant or a shopping mall irrespective of your status identity... In Singapore you don't say anything, DO YOU?
YOU wouldn't dare to eat in public during Ramzan, in Dubai. YOU would not dare to go out without your head covered in Jeddah.
YOU would not dare to buy an employee of the telephone exchange in London at 10 pounds (Rs.650) a month to, 'see to it that my STD and ISD calls are billed to someone else..
' YOU would not dare to speed beyond 55 mph (88 km/h) in Washington and then tell the traffic cop,'Jaanta hai main kaun hoon (Do you know who I am?). I am so and so's son. Take your two bucks and get lost.'
YOU wouldn't chuck an empty coconut shell anywhere other than the garbage pail on the beaches in Australia and NewZealand
Why don't YOU spit Paan on the streets of Tokyo? Why don't YOU use examination jockeys or buy fake certificates in Boston???
We are still talking of the same YOU.. YOU who can respect and conform to a foreign system in other countries but cannot in your own. You who will throw papers and cigarettes on the road the moment you touch Indian ground. If you can be an involved and appreciative citizen in an alien country, why cannot you be the same here in India?
Once in an interview, the famous Ex-municipal commissioner of Bombay, Mr. Tinaikar, had a point to make..
'Rich people's dogs are walked on the streets to leave their affluent droppings all over the place,' he said. 'And then the same people turn around to criticize and blame the authorities for inefficiency and dirty pavements.
What do they expect the officers to do? Go down with a broom every time their dog feels the pressure in his bowels? In America every dog owner has to clean up after his pet has done the job. Same in Japan . Will the Indian citizen do that here?' He's right. We go to the polls to choose a government and after that forfeit all responsibility.
We sit back wanting to be pampered and expect the government to do everything for us whilst our contribution is totally negative. We expect the government to clean up but we are not going to stop chucking garbage all over the place nor are we going to stop to pick up a stray piece of paper and throw it in the bin. We expect the railways to provide clean bathrooms but we are not going to learn the proper use of bathrooms.
We want Indian Airlines and Air India to provide the best of food and toiletries but we are not going to stop pilfering at the least opportunity. This applies even to the staff who is known not to pass on the service to the public. When it comes to burning social issues like those related to women, dowry, girl child! and others, we make loud drawing room protestations and continue to do the reverse at home. Our excuse? 'It's the whole system which has to change, how will it matter if I alone forego my sons' rights to a dowry.' So who's going to change the system? What does a system consist of? Very conveniently for us it consists of our neighbor's, other households, other cities, other communities and the government.
But definitely not me and YOU. When it comes to us actually making a positive contribution to the system we lock ourselves along with our families into a safe cocoon and look into the distance at countries far away and wait for a Mr.Clean to come along & work miracles for us with a majestic sweep of his hand or we leave the country and run away.
Like lazy cowards hounded by our fears we run to America to bask in their glory and praise their system. When New York becomes insecure we run to England. When England experiences unemployment, we take the next flight out to the Gulf. When the Gulf is war struck, we demand to be rescued and brought home by the Indian government. Everybody is out to abuse and rape the country. Nobody thinks of feeding the system. Our conscience is mortgaged to money.
Dear Indians, The article is highly thought inductive, calls for a greatdeal of introspection and pricks one's conscience too.... I am echoing J. F. Kennedy’s words to his fellow Americans to relate to Indians.....
'ASK WHAT WE CAN DO FOR INDIAAND DO WHAT HAS TO BE DONE TO MAKE INDIA WHAT AMERICA AND OTHER WESTERN COUNTRIES ARE TODAY' Lets do what India needs from us.
Three stupid stages of life.....
Excellence........
A German once visited a temple under construction where he saw a sculptor making an idol of God. Suddenly he noticed a similar idol lying nearby. Surprised, he asked the sculptor, "Do you need two statues of the same idol?" "No," said the sculptor without looking up, "We need only one, but the first one got damaged at the last stage." The gentleman examined the idol and found no apparent damage. "Where is the damage?" he asked. "There is a scratch on the nose of the idol." said the sculptor, still busy with his work. "Where are you going to install the idol?"
The sculptor replied that it would be installed on a pillar twenty feet high. "If the idol is that far, who is going to know that there is a scratch on the nose?" the gentleman asked. The sculptor stopped his work, looked up at the gentleman, smiled and said, "I will know it.."
The desire to excel is exclusive of the fact whether someone else appreciates it or not. "Excellence" is a drive from inside, not outside. Excellence is not for someone else to notice but for your own satisfaction and efficiency...
The sculptor replied that it would be installed on a pillar twenty feet high. "If the idol is that far, who is going to know that there is a scratch on the nose?" the gentleman asked. The sculptor stopped his work, looked up at the gentleman, smiled and said, "I will know it.."
The desire to excel is exclusive of the fact whether someone else appreciates it or not. "Excellence" is a drive from inside, not outside. Excellence is not for someone else to notice but for your own satisfaction and efficiency...
Tuesday 29 December 2009
CEO of JP Morgans fantastic reply to a pretty gal
A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:
Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy? im going to be honest of what I'm going to say here: I'm 25 this year.
I'm very pretty, have style and good taste.
I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above.
You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is Considered only as middle class in New York .
My requirement is not high : Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married?
I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you?
Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems That this is my upper limit.
If someone is going to move into high cost Residential area on the west of New York City Garden ( ? ) , 250k annual income is not enough.
I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out?
(Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I've met a few girls who doesn't have looks and are not interesting, but They are able to marry rich guys.
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your Girlfriend?
(my target now is to get married) Ms. Pretty - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Awesome reply: - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Dear Ms. Pretty, I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like Yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I Hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here. From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry You.
The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" And "money": Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and Square. However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my Money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be Prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am Appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years Later.. By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating With you is also a "trading position". If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to Keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any Assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased". Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date You, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k Annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool. Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in "leasing" services,
do Contact me...
J.P. Morgan CEO
Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy? im going to be honest of what I'm going to say here: I'm 25 this year.
I'm very pretty, have style and good taste.
I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above.
You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is Considered only as middle class in New York .
My requirement is not high : Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married?
I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you?
Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems That this is my upper limit.
If someone is going to move into high cost Residential area on the west of New York City Garden ( ? ) , 250k annual income is not enough.
I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out?
(Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I've met a few girls who doesn't have looks and are not interesting, but They are able to marry rich guys.
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your Girlfriend?
(my target now is to get married) Ms. Pretty - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Awesome reply: - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Dear Ms. Pretty, I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like Yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I Hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here. From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry You.
The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" And "money": Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and Square. However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my Money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be Prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am Appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years Later.. By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating With you is also a "trading position". If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to Keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any Assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased". Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date You, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k Annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool. Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in "leasing" services,
do Contact me...
J.P. Morgan CEO
India is richest......now
Right now, India is the richest country in the world ! Wondering how? It's really amazing
(1) It's due to Mr. G Vaidyaraj, who donated all his wealth, about which he actually did not know.
He is a descendent of Raja Krishnadev Raya from Mysore district.
For the last 300 years or so, three stones were worshipped in his house.But nobody tried to see what it was, except this person, who is alawyer by profession. One day, when there was nobody in his house, he took the stone out to see what it was that they worship.Due to the dust deposited on it, from many many years, it looked only like a simple stone.But when he touched it, some portion of the stone was cleansed.And he saw a bright ray of light.He saw something which attracted his attention. And he was amazed when he cleaned all of them.The whole room was filled with light.He discovered they were diamonds of about 4600 carats each.
Even World Bank does not have enough money to buy it.India can buy virtually 7 developing nations.
One diamond costs thrice the debt of World Bank over India .
One such diamond can buy 10 Bill Gates to you.And the World Bank has proposed the Indian Govt. that it can pay India in Installment if it wishes to do so.
India 's GDP is 34.25 billion dollars.
Bill Gates property is 95 billion dollars approximate so that is the way 'nature changes'.
Our Prime Minister has refused to sell it.
He said it will be sold or mortgaged for credit when we need it. Otherwise right now we have no problems.
You can go through Times of India with a small column on it a week ago.
Star TV presented a 115 min documentary on it about 15 days ago.The Hindu with its half page article in it.After that it was censored as classified.
(2) Another good news is that in the Desert of Thar a deposit of Oil andNatural gas have been found..
This stores what Kuwait has in its stomach.India can go with this ONGC energy reserve with another 30 years.
And moreover it can export it to other counties.It's incredible!! But true.
3) An Indian boy in his 12th standard has disproved Einstein's 'Theory of Relativity'.Shocked? Read on...Sudarshan Reddy has theoretically proven the existence of a sub-atomic particle, which can travel at speed greater than that of light, thereby challenging one of the fundamental postulates of the 'Theory of Relativity'.
In his recent research paper submitted to the Institute of Advanced Physics (IAP) at Trieste ( Italy ), Sudarshan has proved the existence of a class of sub-atomic particles called leptons', which can travel faster than light. The international physics community is shocked by this discovery.
Dr.Massimo Martelli, President of the IAP has this to say about the paper submitted by Sudarshan. 'After long, careful and critical analysis, I can confidently say that Sudarshan's research papers show tremendous leap in our understanding of physics. His investigationmounts up on 'leptons'... His work builds substantially on the work of Einstein and others in the field of relativity.'
When physicists from Princeton University tried to measure Sudarshan's IQ with an IQ-meter (at the American Embassy in Delhi ), the meter broke down.Sudarshan, incidentally, is the brother of Madhu Reddy, the Indian whiz kid who developed an operating system superior to Microsoft Windows.We should all be very proud of these boys.
Brand India
The India brand - feel proud to be an Indian
* The number of companies listed on the Bombay Stock Exchange, at more than 6,000, is second only to NYSE.
* Four out of 10 Silicon Valley startups are run by Indians.
* With 800 movies per year , India's film industry overshadows Hollywood.
* The organized lottery market in India is US$7bn (2% of GDP)
* India consumes a fifth of the world's gold output.
* Indians account for 45% of H1-B visas issued by the US every year
* Growing at 6%, in 25 years Indian GDP(on a PPP basis) will be at the same level the US is at today
* Six Indian ladies have won Miss Universe/Miss World titles over the past 10 years.
* Bank deposits in India roughly equal 50% of its GDP C again, among the highest in the world.
* Indian Railways is the largest railway network in the world under single management
* India has the third largest army in the world, nearly 1.5 million strong.
* India is the largest producer and consumer of tea in the world, accounting for more than 30% of global production and 25% of consumption.
* India is the world’s premier center for diamond cutting and polishing. Nine out of every 10 stones sold in the world pass through India.
* India has the highest number of annual bulk drugs filings (77) with USFDA.
* India is home to the largest number of pharmaceutical plants (61) approved by USFDA outside the US.
* India’s Hero Honda is the world's largest motorcycle manufacturer, with 2002 production of 1.7m units.
* Other than US and Japan, India is the only country to have built a super computer indigenously.
* Indian Railways is the largest employer in the world, with a staff of 1.6 million people.
* India is the second largest cement producing country in the world, producing more than 110 m tones.
* Of the fortune 500 companies, 220 outsource their software-related work to India.
* There are 8,500 Indian restaurants in the U.K.15% of the country’s total dining-out establishments.
* India is the largest democracy in the world, with nearly 400m voting in the last national elections.
* India has the second-largest pool of scientists and engineers in the world.
* India has the third largest investor base in the world
* According to the Gemological Institute of America, up until 1896, India was the only source of diamonds.
* The Kumbh Mela festival, held every 21 years in the city of Allahabad, attracts 25 million people CE more than the population of 185 of the 227 countries in the world.
* The Indian city of Varanasi, also known as Benares, is the oldest continuously inhabited city in the world today.
* There are 3.22 million Indians in the US.
* Indians are the richest immigrant class in the US, with nearly 200,000 millionaries.
* India is ranked the sixth country in the world in terms of satellite launches.
* There are over 70,000 bank branches in India among the highest in the world.
* The number of companies listed on the Bombay Stock Exchange, at more than 6,000, is second only to NYSE.
* Four out of 10 Silicon Valley startups are run by Indians.
* With 800 movies per year , India's film industry overshadows Hollywood.
* The organized lottery market in India is US$7bn (2% of GDP)
* India consumes a fifth of the world's gold output.
* Indians account for 45% of H1-B visas issued by the US every year
* Growing at 6%, in 25 years Indian GDP(on a PPP basis) will be at the same level the US is at today
* Six Indian ladies have won Miss Universe/Miss World titles over the past 10 years.
* Bank deposits in India roughly equal 50% of its GDP C again, among the highest in the world.
* Indian Railways is the largest railway network in the world under single management
* India has the third largest army in the world, nearly 1.5 million strong.
* India is the largest producer and consumer of tea in the world, accounting for more than 30% of global production and 25% of consumption.
* India is the world’s premier center for diamond cutting and polishing. Nine out of every 10 stones sold in the world pass through India.
* India has the highest number of annual bulk drugs filings (77) with USFDA.
* India is home to the largest number of pharmaceutical plants (61) approved by USFDA outside the US.
* India’s Hero Honda is the world's largest motorcycle manufacturer, with 2002 production of 1.7m units.
* Other than US and Japan, India is the only country to have built a super computer indigenously.
* Indian Railways is the largest employer in the world, with a staff of 1.6 million people.
* India is the second largest cement producing country in the world, producing more than 110 m tones.
* Of the fortune 500 companies, 220 outsource their software-related work to India.
* There are 8,500 Indian restaurants in the U.K.15% of the country’s total dining-out establishments.
* India is the largest democracy in the world, with nearly 400m voting in the last national elections.
* India has the second-largest pool of scientists and engineers in the world.
* India has the third largest investor base in the world
* According to the Gemological Institute of America, up until 1896, India was the only source of diamonds.
* The Kumbh Mela festival, held every 21 years in the city of Allahabad, attracts 25 million people CE more than the population of 185 of the 227 countries in the world.
* The Indian city of Varanasi, also known as Benares, is the oldest continuously inhabited city in the world today.
* There are 3.22 million Indians in the US.
* Indians are the richest immigrant class in the US, with nearly 200,000 millionaries.
* India is ranked the sixth country in the world in terms of satellite launches.
* There are over 70,000 bank branches in India among the highest in the world.
Facts of IT companies......:p
1. NIIT : Not Interested in IT
2. WIPRO : Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output
3. HCL : Hidden Costs & Losses
4. TCS : Totally Confusing Solutions
5. INFOSYS :Inferior Offline Systems
6. HUGHES : Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping
7. BAAN : Beggars Association and Nerds
8. IBM : Implicitly Boring Machines
9. SATYAM : Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly
10. PARAM : Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors
11. C-DOT : Coffee During Office Timings
12. AT&T : All Troubles & Terrible
13. CMC : Coffee, Meals and Comfort
14. DEC : Drifting & Exhausted Computers
15. BFL : Brainwash First and Let them go
17. TISL : Totally Inconsistent Systems Ltd.
18. PSI : Peculiar Symptoms of India
19. ORACLE : On-line Romance And Chatting with Lady Employees.
20. PATNI: Pathetic Appraisal Techniques, No Increments
which one would u like to join?????????
2. WIPRO : Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output
3. HCL : Hidden Costs & Losses
4. TCS : Totally Confusing Solutions
5. INFOSYS :Inferior Offline Systems
6. HUGHES : Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping
7. BAAN : Beggars Association and Nerds
8. IBM : Implicitly Boring Machines
9. SATYAM : Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly
10. PARAM : Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors
11. C-DOT : Coffee During Office Timings
12. AT&T : All Troubles & Terrible
13. CMC : Coffee, Meals and Comfort
14. DEC : Drifting & Exhausted Computers
15. BFL : Brainwash First and Let them go
17. TISL : Totally Inconsistent Systems Ltd.
18. PSI : Peculiar Symptoms of India
19. ORACLE : On-line Romance And Chatting with Lady Employees.
20. PATNI: Pathetic Appraisal Techniques, No Increments
which one would u like to join?????????
Becoming less
21st Century....
We are becoming lesser by the day
Our communication - Wireless
Our dress - Topless
Our telephone - Cordless
Our cooking - Fireless
Our youth - Jobless
Our food - Fatless
Our labour - Effortless
Our conduct - Worthless
Our relation - Loveless
Our degrees - Useless
Our attitude - Careless
Our feelings - Heartless
Our politics - Shameless
Our education - Valueless
Our follies - Countless
Our arguments - Baseless
Our Job - Thankless
Our Bosses - Brainless
Our Salary - Very less
We are becoming lesser by the day
Our communication - Wireless
Our dress - Topless
Our telephone - Cordless
Our cooking - Fireless
Our youth - Jobless
Our food - Fatless
Our labour - Effortless
Our conduct - Worthless
Our relation - Loveless
Our degrees - Useless
Our attitude - Careless
Our feelings - Heartless
Our politics - Shameless
Our education - Valueless
Our follies - Countless
Our arguments - Baseless
Our Job - Thankless
Our Bosses - Brainless
Our Salary - Very less
Saturday 26 December 2009
Thursday 24 December 2009
woman in ur life.......
Hi,Good Morning………..
To all the guys who read this…..
please read fully and understand…………..
To all the girls who read this……….. An excellent forward……
please read fully..... and forward to the boys you know………..
T his is a beautiful article:T he woman in your life...very well expressedTomorrow you may get a working woman, but you should marry her with these facts as well.
Here is a girl, who is as much educated as you are;
Who is earning almost as much as you do;One, who has dreams and aspirations just asyou have because she is as human as you are;
One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or yourSister haven't,
as she was busy in studies and competing in a systemthat gives no special concession to girls for their culinary achievementsOne,
who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters, almost asmuch as you do for 20-25 years of her life;One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that, her home, people who love her, to adopt your home, your family,
your ways and even your family ,nameOne, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day #1, while you sleep oblivious to her predicament in her new circumstances, environment and that kitchenOne, who is expected to make the tea, first thing in the morning and cookfood at the end of the day, even if she is as tired as you are, maybe more,and yet never ever expected to complain; to be a servant, a cook, a mother,a wife, even if she doesn't want to; and is learning just like you are asto what you want from her; and is clumsy and sloppy at times and knows that you won't like it if she is too demanding, or if she learns faster than you;One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even men at her workplace too, those, who she knows from school days and yet is willing to put all that on the back-burners to avoid your irrational jealousy, unnecessary competition and your inherent insecurities;Yes, she can drink and dance just as well as you can, but won't, simply Because you won't like it, even though you say otherwiseOne, who can be late from work once in a while when deadlines, just like yours, are to be met;One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most important,relationship in her entire life a grand success, if you just help her some and trust her;One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she knows in your entire house - your unstinted support, your sensitivities and most importantly - your understanding, or love, if you may call it.But not many guys understand this......Please appreciate "HER"
To all the guys who read this…..
please read fully and understand…………..
To all the girls who read this……….. An excellent forward……
please read fully..... and forward to the boys you know………..
T his is a beautiful article:T he woman in your life...very well expressedTomorrow you may get a working woman, but you should marry her with these facts as well.
Here is a girl, who is as much educated as you are;
Who is earning almost as much as you do;One, who has dreams and aspirations just asyou have because she is as human as you are;
One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or yourSister haven't,
as she was busy in studies and competing in a systemthat gives no special concession to girls for their culinary achievementsOne,
who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters, almost asmuch as you do for 20-25 years of her life;One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that, her home, people who love her, to adopt your home, your family,
your ways and even your family ,nameOne, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day #1, while you sleep oblivious to her predicament in her new circumstances, environment and that kitchenOne, who is expected to make the tea, first thing in the morning and cookfood at the end of the day, even if she is as tired as you are, maybe more,and yet never ever expected to complain; to be a servant, a cook, a mother,a wife, even if she doesn't want to; and is learning just like you are asto what you want from her; and is clumsy and sloppy at times and knows that you won't like it if she is too demanding, or if she learns faster than you;One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even men at her workplace too, those, who she knows from school days and yet is willing to put all that on the back-burners to avoid your irrational jealousy, unnecessary competition and your inherent insecurities;Yes, she can drink and dance just as well as you can, but won't, simply Because you won't like it, even though you say otherwiseOne, who can be late from work once in a while when deadlines, just like yours, are to be met;One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most important,relationship in her entire life a grand success, if you just help her some and trust her;One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she knows in your entire house - your unstinted support, your sensitivities and most importantly - your understanding, or love, if you may call it.But not many guys understand this......Please appreciate "HER"
Monday 16 November 2009
luv in mental hospital.......:p
Love in mental hospital
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim
suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and
stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom
and pulled Jim out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she
immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now
considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news
and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were
able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life
of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays that you
have a sound mind.
The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the
bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so
sorry, but he's dead.
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim
suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and
stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom
and pulled Jim out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she
immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now
considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news
and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were
able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life
of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays that you
have a sound mind.
The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the
bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so
sorry, but he's dead.
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.
Friday 6 November 2009
best slogans
# Sign on a railway station at Patna :
Aana free, jaana free, pakde gaye to khana free.
# Seen on a famous beauty parlor in Bombay :
Don't whistle at the girl going out from here. She may be your grandmother!
# Seen on a bulletin board:
Success is relative More the success, more the relatives.
# Sign at a barber's saloon in Juhu, Bombay :
we need your heads to run our business.
# A traffic slogan:
Don't let your kids drive if they are not old enough - or else they never will be.....
#THE BEST ONE :
Its God's responsibility to forgive the terrorist organizations It's our responsibility to arrange the meeting between them and god." -
Indian Armed Forces -
Aana free, jaana free, pakde gaye to khana free.
# Seen on a famous beauty parlor in Bombay :
Don't whistle at the girl going out from here. She may be your grandmother!
# Seen on a bulletin board:
Success is relative More the success, more the relatives.
# Sign at a barber's saloon in Juhu, Bombay :
we need your heads to run our business.
# A traffic slogan:
Don't let your kids drive if they are not old enough - or else they never will be.....
#THE BEST ONE :
Its God's responsibility to forgive the terrorist organizations It's our responsibility to arrange the meeting between them and god." -
Indian Armed Forces -
wonderful One minute.....:p
Wonderful one minute...
One smart Software engineer and his Project Manager were traveling towards Pune in a train.
Just Opposite to their seat, a beautiful girl was sitting along with her grand ma.
With in some time, Eye-Eye interactions started between Our Software engineer & that girl.
After some minutes, train started moving in to a tunnel and it was very dark.
Suddenly, every body heard a Kiss sound followed by a sound of slapping.
Every body remained silent, when the train came out of the tunnel.
Grand ma thought that," The Guy is a rogue; how dare he is? He has kissed my grand daughter! But my Grand daughter is genuine; she immediately slapped that guy."
PM thought that," I can't believe that this guy has kissed that girl!
But it is unfair that she slapped me by mistake"
That girl thought that," I feel happy, when that guy kissed me, but I feel sorry that my grand ma has slapped him".
Finally, the Software engineer thought?
"This one minute in my life is wonderful, it hardly comes...because, at a time I have kissed a girl and also I have slapped my PM."
One smart Software engineer and his Project Manager were traveling towards Pune in a train.
Just Opposite to their seat, a beautiful girl was sitting along with her grand ma.
With in some time, Eye-Eye interactions started between Our Software engineer & that girl.
After some minutes, train started moving in to a tunnel and it was very dark.
Suddenly, every body heard a Kiss sound followed by a sound of slapping.
Every body remained silent, when the train came out of the tunnel.
Grand ma thought that," The Guy is a rogue; how dare he is? He has kissed my grand daughter! But my Grand daughter is genuine; she immediately slapped that guy."
PM thought that," I can't believe that this guy has kissed that girl!
But it is unfair that she slapped me by mistake"
That girl thought that," I feel happy, when that guy kissed me, but I feel sorry that my grand ma has slapped him".
Finally, the Software engineer thought?
"This one minute in my life is wonderful, it hardly comes...because, at a time I have kissed a girl and also I have slapped my PM."
Tuesday 3 November 2009
LIFE
From the "BOOK OF KNOWLEDGE". read on.......................
God created the donkey
God created the donkey
and said to him. "You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiringly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass, you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years."The donkey answered: "I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much. Give me only 20 years"God granted his wish.
..........................................................................................
God created the dog
and said to him: "You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend. You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30 years.You will be a dog. " The dog answered: "Sir, to live 30 years is too much,give me only 15 years. " God granted his wish.
.............................................................................................
God created the monkey
and said to him: "You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks.
You will be amusing and you will live 20 years. " The monkey answered: "To live 20 years is too much, give me only 10 years." God granted his wish
. ............................................ .............................................
Finally God created man ..
and said to him: "You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth.
You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals. You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years."
Man responded: "Sir, I will be a man but to live only 20 years is very little, give me the 30 years that the donkey refused,
the 15 years that the dog did not want and the 10 years the monkey refused." God granted man's wish ..........................................................................................
And since then, man lives 20 years as a man ,
marries and spends 30 years like a donkey, working and carrying all the burdens on his back
Then when his children are grown, he lives 15 years like a dog taking care of the house and eating whatever is given to him,
so that when he is old, he can retire and live 10 years like a monkey, going from house to house and from one son or daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.
That's Life.
Is'nt it ??????? Give a thought..!!!
God created the donkey
God created the donkey
and said to him. "You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiringly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass, you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years."The donkey answered: "I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much. Give me only 20 years"God granted his wish.
..........................................................................................
God created the dog
and said to him: "You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend. You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30 years.You will be a dog. " The dog answered: "Sir, to live 30 years is too much,give me only 15 years. " God granted his wish.
.............................................................................................
God created the monkey
and said to him: "You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks.
You will be amusing and you will live 20 years. " The monkey answered: "To live 20 years is too much, give me only 10 years." God granted his wish
. ............................................ .............................................
Finally God created man ..
and said to him: "You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth.
You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals. You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years."
Man responded: "Sir, I will be a man but to live only 20 years is very little, give me the 30 years that the donkey refused,
the 15 years that the dog did not want and the 10 years the monkey refused." God granted man's wish ..........................................................................................
And since then, man lives 20 years as a man ,
marries and spends 30 years like a donkey, working and carrying all the burdens on his back
Then when his children are grown, he lives 15 years like a dog taking care of the house and eating whatever is given to him,
so that when he is old, he can retire and live 10 years like a monkey, going from house to house and from one son or daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.
That's Life.
Is'nt it ??????? Give a thought..!!!
Wednesday 28 October 2009
killer english
Principal to student..." I saw u yesterday rotating near girls hostel pulling cigarette... ? "
************************
Class teacher once said :
" pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!"
************************
once Hindi teacher said...."I'm going out of the world to America.."
************************
"..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK.."
************************
don't. laugh at the back benches...otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down.....
************************
it was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered.. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. and then she said
" why is fan not oning" (ing form of on)
************************
teacher in a furious mood...
write down ur name and father of ur name!!
************************
"shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college"
************************
My manager started like this
"Hi, I am Madhu, Married with two kids"
************************
"I'll illustrate what i have in my mind" said the professor and erased the board
************************
"will u hang that calendar or else I'll HANG MYSELF"
************************
LIBRARIAN SCOLDE ," IF U WILL TALK AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE"
************************
Chemistry HOD comes and tells us...
"My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter"
************************
Tomorrow call ur parents especially mother and father
************************
"why are you looking at the monkeys outside when i am in the class?!"
************************
Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code..
"I understand. You understand. Computer how understand??
************************
Seeing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class..
"Keep quiet, the principal has passed away"
************************
Wednesday 30 September 2009
Online chatting .....
A Guy WAS chatting with a female (never met her directly) -
Online chat.(Background, both are s/w engineers by the way and both work for real big MNC's )
Hero: Hey....GM (Good Morning)... How's u doing today?
Female: VGM...Day is going good and it got better having found u on chat
Hero: wow...am honored, u know what, my day starts only when I find you on Chat
Female: Yep...me too feel the same....Brb (be right back)'ll get some Coffee.
Hero: OK(Hero waits impatiently. Meanwhile, his manager comes to his seat.)
Manager: Hey, I need some help from you
Hero: [**** This guy always comes at wrong time] Yeah tell me
Manager: Could u write a program for me which generates nth prime number, given value of n. Would you give this by today evening?
Hero: I would do that, but I think it's quite hard, is it ok with you, if I Give it by tomorrow evening. Manager: Yeah, that would be fine. Thank you [Leaves the place](Our hero sighs and stares at his monitor waiting impatiently for Female to Arrive. All of a sudden smiles on his face. Over to chat window...)
Female: Hey, am back
Hero: cool, you know what my manager does, She's kinda..... keeps asking stupid Things, tries to give me stupid work
Female: Yeah, it's the same everywhere. Real sick ppl these managers are!!
Hero: Yep, u rite!!Female: Hey, can u do me a favor Hero: *smiles* sure, why not. Female: Hey, I want you to write me a program to print nth prime Number; given N. Would you give that to me by tomorrow evening? Plzzz. You know it's real Urgent for me to work this out
Hero: hey, that's a one-hour's work. Sure check Urmail in an hour from now. ok?
Female: THIS IS WHAT I ASKED U WHEN I CAME TO YOUR WORK PLACE. NOW YOU KNOW WHO I AM!! AND ONE MORE POINT.... YOUR 1 HOUR TIME STARTS NOW!!
Online chat.(Background, both are s/w engineers by the way and both work for real big MNC's )
Hero: Hey....GM (Good Morning)... How's u doing today?
Female: VGM...Day is going good and it got better having found u on chat
Hero: wow...am honored, u know what, my day starts only when I find you on Chat
Female: Yep...me too feel the same....Brb (be right back)'ll get some Coffee.
Hero: OK(Hero waits impatiently. Meanwhile, his manager comes to his seat.)
Manager: Hey, I need some help from you
Hero: [**** This guy always comes at wrong time] Yeah tell me
Manager: Could u write a program for me which generates nth prime number, given value of n. Would you give this by today evening?
Hero: I would do that, but I think it's quite hard, is it ok with you, if I Give it by tomorrow evening. Manager: Yeah, that would be fine. Thank you [Leaves the place](Our hero sighs and stares at his monitor waiting impatiently for Female to Arrive. All of a sudden smiles on his face. Over to chat window...)
Female: Hey, am back
Hero: cool, you know what my manager does, She's kinda..... keeps asking stupid Things, tries to give me stupid work
Female: Yeah, it's the same everywhere. Real sick ppl these managers are!!
Hero: Yep, u rite!!Female: Hey, can u do me a favor Hero: *smiles* sure, why not. Female: Hey, I want you to write me a program to print nth prime Number; given N. Would you give that to me by tomorrow evening? Plzzz. You know it's real Urgent for me to work this out
Hero: hey, that's a one-hour's work. Sure check Urmail in an hour from now. ok?
Female: THIS IS WHAT I ASKED U WHEN I CAME TO YOUR WORK PLACE. NOW YOU KNOW WHO I AM!! AND ONE MORE POINT.... YOUR 1 HOUR TIME STARTS NOW!!
Friday 18 September 2009
Hmm
Now this is what we call as “Out of scope”……………….Presenting THIS YEAR'S "Not My Job" AWARD And the winner is
INDIAN National Highway Department (Painting Division)
Thursday 6 August 2009
Feelin vry borin in OFFICE??thn follow few tips:P
If you find it very boring in the office, here are some tips:
1. Form a detective agency to find out who is quitting next and who is doing what.
2. Make blank calls to your Boss.
3. Send mails from lotus notes (outlook)to your internet mail (and immediately get to the internet and see who reaches first, you or your mail?)and read them there, and note down the time they take to reach there.Then do vice versa.............!!
4. Rearrange the furniture, i.e. flick someone else's chair just to irritate him/her.
5. Count your fingers (and toes if you still get bored).
6. Watch other people changing their facial expressions whileworking and try changing your expressions also.
7. Try to stretch status meetings as longer as possible, just by asking silly doubts.
8. Make faces at strangers in office.
9. Have a two hour lunch; it's a big social occasion.
10. Learn to whistle.
11. Revise last week's newspaper.
12. Hold "How fast my computer boots" competitions.
13. Practice aiming the coffee cup into the dustbin.
14. Compile "How to waste your day"
15. Pick up phone and dial non-existing nos.
16. Have work breaks in between tea ( work ?? he he )
17. Count maximum no of applications your computer can open at time.
18. For Win NT/95 users....Move things to Recycle bin and restore them.. Then repeat this process.
19. Look at someone & try to imagine how(s) he might have looked when(s) he was 5 years old. 20. Read jokes and send jokes.
21. Make full use of the comfortable chair and table provided and take a nap.
22. Play games online or offline. share your score with other person... schedule a tournament.
And if you are still getting bored.........................
then Fwd this msg to everyone u know .. one by one.. ;)
1. Form a detective agency to find out who is quitting next and who is doing what.
2. Make blank calls to your Boss.
3. Send mails from lotus notes (outlook)to your internet mail (and immediately get to the internet and see who reaches first, you or your mail?)and read them there, and note down the time they take to reach there.Then do vice versa.............!!
4. Rearrange the furniture, i.e. flick someone else's chair just to irritate him/her.
5. Count your fingers (and toes if you still get bored).
6. Watch other people changing their facial expressions whileworking and try changing your expressions also.
7. Try to stretch status meetings as longer as possible, just by asking silly doubts.
8. Make faces at strangers in office.
9. Have a two hour lunch; it's a big social occasion.
10. Learn to whistle.
11. Revise last week's newspaper.
12. Hold "How fast my computer boots" competitions.
13. Practice aiming the coffee cup into the dustbin.
14. Compile "How to waste your day"
15. Pick up phone and dial non-existing nos.
16. Have work breaks in between tea ( work ?? he he )
17. Count maximum no of applications your computer can open at time.
18. For Win NT/95 users....Move things to Recycle bin and restore them.. Then repeat this process.
19. Look at someone & try to imagine how(s) he might have looked when(s) he was 5 years old. 20. Read jokes and send jokes.
21. Make full use of the comfortable chair and table provided and take a nap.
22. Play games online or offline. share your score with other person... schedule a tournament.
And if you are still getting bored.........................
then Fwd this msg to everyone u know .. one by one.. ;)
A TECHNICAL Morning wish
May the day give you
Independence of JAVA
Power of UNIX
Popularity of WINDOWS
Luxury of .NET
Efficiency of C
Ease of VB
Robustness of ORACLE
Leadership of SAP
Vision of PHOTOSHOP
Vastness of INTERNET
Compactness of JPG
Richness of BMP
Coverage as YAHOO
Reachness of GOOGLE
&
Security of NORTON!!!
Independence of JAVA
Power of UNIX
Popularity of WINDOWS
Luxury of .NET
Efficiency of C
Ease of VB
Robustness of ORACLE
Leadership of SAP
Vision of PHOTOSHOP
Vastness of INTERNET
Compactness of JPG
Richness of BMP
Coverage as YAHOO
Reachness of GOOGLE
&
Security of NORTON!!!
Don take TENSION
The moment you are in TENSION
You will lose your ATTENTION
Then you are in total CONFUSION
This may spoil your personal RELATIONS
Untimately, you won't get COOPERATION
And get things into COMPLICATION
Then you may raise CAUTION
And you have to take MEDICATION
Why not try understanding the SITUATION
And try to think about the SOLUTION
Many problems will be solved by DISCUSSION
Which will work out better in your PROFESSION
Don't think this is a free SUGGESTION
It is only for your PREVENTION
If you understand my INTENTION
You'll never come again into TENSION!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!
You will lose your ATTENTION
Then you are in total CONFUSION
This may spoil your personal RELATIONS
Untimately, you won't get COOPERATION
And get things into COMPLICATION
Then you may raise CAUTION
And you have to take MEDICATION
Why not try understanding the SITUATION
And try to think about the SOLUTION
Many problems will be solved by DISCUSSION
Which will work out better in your PROFESSION
Don't think this is a free SUGGESTION
It is only for your PREVENTION
If you understand my INTENTION
You'll never come again into TENSION!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!
Y do V need friends??
We need friends for many reasons, all throughout the four seasons.
We need friends to comfort us when we are sad, and to have fun with us when we are glad.
We need friends to give us good advice. We need someone we can count on to treat us nice.
We need friends because we are social in nature and having friends makes us feel secure.
We need friends to remember us once we have passed sharing memories that will always last.
That's why I need YOU!
We need friends to comfort us when we are sad, and to have fun with us when we are glad.
We need friends to give us good advice. We need someone we can count on to treat us nice.
We need friends because we are social in nature and having friends makes us feel secure.
We need friends to remember us once we have passed sharing memories that will always last.
That's why I need YOU!
Politician's salary....juss look at this
Salary & Govt. Concessions for a Member of Parliament (MP)
Monthly Salary : 12,000
Expense for Constitution per month : 10,000
Office expenditure per month : 14,000
Traveling concession (Rs. 8 per km) : 48,000 ( eg.For a visit from kerala to Delhi & return: 6000 km)
Daily DA TA during parliament meets : 500/day
Charge for 1 class (A/C) in train: Free (For any number of times) (All over India )
Charge for Business Class in flights : Free for 40 trips / year (With wife or P.A.)
Rent for MP hostel at Delhi : Free Electricity costs at home : Free up to 50,000 units
Local phone call charge : Free up to 1 ,70,000 calls.
TOTAL expense for a MP [having no qualification] per year : 32,00,000 [i.e . 2.66 lakh/month]
TOTAL expense for 5 years : 1,60,00,000
For 534 MPs, the expense for 5 years :
8,54,40,00,000 (nearly 855 crores)
AND THE PRIME MINISTER IS ASKING THE HIGHLY QUALIFIED, OUT PERFORMING CEOs TO CUT DOWN THEIR SALARIES…..
This is how all our tax money is been swallowed and price hike on our regular commodities. ........ fuel prices etcAnd this is the present condition of our country:
855 crores could make their life livable !! Think of the great democracy we have........ .....
Monthly Salary : 12,000
Expense for Constitution per month : 10,000
Office expenditure per month : 14,000
Traveling concession (Rs. 8 per km) : 48,000 ( eg.For a visit from kerala to Delhi & return: 6000 km)
Daily DA TA during parliament meets : 500/day
Charge for 1 class (A/C) in train: Free (For any number of times) (All over India )
Charge for Business Class in flights : Free for 40 trips / year (With wife or P.A.)
Rent for MP hostel at Delhi : Free Electricity costs at home : Free up to 50,000 units
Local phone call charge : Free up to 1 ,70,000 calls.
TOTAL expense for a MP [having no qualification] per year : 32,00,000 [i.e . 2.66 lakh/month]
TOTAL expense for 5 years : 1,60,00,000
For 534 MPs, the expense for 5 years :
8,54,40,00,000 (nearly 855 crores)
AND THE PRIME MINISTER IS ASKING THE HIGHLY QUALIFIED, OUT PERFORMING CEOs TO CUT DOWN THEIR SALARIES…..
This is how all our tax money is been swallowed and price hike on our regular commodities. ........ fuel prices etcAnd this is the present condition of our country:
855 crores could make their life livable !! Think of the great democracy we have........ .....
PLEASE FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO ALL REAL CITIZENS OF INDIA ....
but, STILL Proud to be INDIAN
How INDIAN mind works
NOT A STORY BUT A TRUE INCIDENT
An Indian man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to India on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Indian man hands over the keys and documents of new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Indian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the Indian returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow "$5,000" ?
The Indian replies:
"Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return'"
Ah, the mind of the Indian...
This is why India is shining
An Indian man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to India on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Indian man hands over the keys and documents of new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Indian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the Indian returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow "$5,000" ?
The Indian replies:
"Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return'"
Ah, the mind of the Indian...
This is why India is shining
Swami Vivekananda's strikin words
When I Asked God for StrengthHe Gave Me Difficult Situations to Face
When I Asked God for Brain & Brown
He Gave Me Puzzles in life to Solve
When I Asked God for Happiness
He Showed Me Some Unhappy People
When I Asked God for Wealth
He Showed Me How to Work Hard
When I Asked God for Favors
He Showed Me opportunities to Work Hard
When I Asked God for Peace
He Showed Me How to Help Others
God Gave Me Nothing I Wanted
He Gave Me Everything I Needed
- Swami Vivekananda
Do not forget the goal until you reach it -Naren
Interesting
The road to success is not straight.
There is a curve called Failure ,
A loop called Confusion ,
Speed bumps called Friends ,
Red lights called Enemies ,
Caution lights called Family .
You will have flats called Jobs .
But, if you have
a spare called Determination ,
An engine called Perseverance ,
Insurance called Faith
,You will make it to a place called Success .
There is a curve called Failure ,
A loop called Confusion ,
Speed bumps called Friends ,
Red lights called Enemies ,
Caution lights called Family .
You will have flats called Jobs .
But, if you have
a spare called Determination ,
An engine called Perseverance ,
Insurance called Faith
,You will make it to a place called Success .
A Leader should knw how to manage the Failure
A Former President of India APJ Abdul Kalam : 'A Leader Should Know How to Manage Failure'
India Knowledge@Wharton: Could you give an example, from your own experience, of how leaders should manage failure?
Kalam: Let me tell you about my experience. In 1973 I became the project director of India's satellite launch vehicle program, commonly called the SLV-3. Our goal was to put India's "Rohini" satellite into orbit by 1980. I was given funds and human resources -- but was told clearly that by 1980 we had to launch the satellite into space. Thousands of people worked together in scientific and technical teams towards that goal.
By 1979 -- I think the month was August -- we thought we were ready. As the project director, I went to the control center for the launch. At four minutes before the satellite launch, the computer began to go through the checklist of items that needed to be checked. One minute later, the computer program put the launch on hold; the display showed that some control components were not in order. My experts -- I had four or five of them with me -- told me not to worry; they had done their calculations and there was enough reserve fuel. So I bypassed the computer, switched to manual mode, and launched the rocket. In the first stage, everything worked fine. In the second stage, a problem developed. Instead of the satellite going into orbit, the whole rocket system plunged into the Bay of Bengal. It was a big failure.
That day, the chairman of the Indian Space Research Organization, Prof. Satish Dhawan, had called a press conference. The launch was at 7:00 am, and the press conference -- where journalists from around the world were present -- was at 7:45 am at ISRO's satellite launch range in Sriharikota [in Andhra Pradesh in southern India]. Prof. Dhawan, the leader of the organization, conducted the press conference himself. He took responsibility for the failure -- he said that the team had worked very hard, but that it needed more technological support. He assured the media that in another year, the team would definitely succeed. Now, I was the project director, and it was my failure, but instead, he took responsibility for the failure as chairman of the organization.
The next year, in July 1980, we tried again to launch the satellite -- and this time we succeeded. The whole nation was jubilant. Again, there was a press conference. Prof. Dhawan called me aside and told me, "You conduct the press conference today."
I learned a very important lesson that day. When failure occurred, the leader of the organization owned that failure. When success came, he gave it to his team. The best management lesson I have learned did not come to me from reading a book; it came from that experience.
India Knowledge@Wharton: Could you give an example, from your own experience, of how leaders should manage failure?
Kalam: Let me tell you about my experience. In 1973 I became the project director of India's satellite launch vehicle program, commonly called the SLV-3. Our goal was to put India's "Rohini" satellite into orbit by 1980. I was given funds and human resources -- but was told clearly that by 1980 we had to launch the satellite into space. Thousands of people worked together in scientific and technical teams towards that goal.
By 1979 -- I think the month was August -- we thought we were ready. As the project director, I went to the control center for the launch. At four minutes before the satellite launch, the computer began to go through the checklist of items that needed to be checked. One minute later, the computer program put the launch on hold; the display showed that some control components were not in order. My experts -- I had four or five of them with me -- told me not to worry; they had done their calculations and there was enough reserve fuel. So I bypassed the computer, switched to manual mode, and launched the rocket. In the first stage, everything worked fine. In the second stage, a problem developed. Instead of the satellite going into orbit, the whole rocket system plunged into the Bay of Bengal. It was a big failure.
That day, the chairman of the Indian Space Research Organization, Prof. Satish Dhawan, had called a press conference. The launch was at 7:00 am, and the press conference -- where journalists from around the world were present -- was at 7:45 am at ISRO's satellite launch range in Sriharikota [in Andhra Pradesh in southern India]. Prof. Dhawan, the leader of the organization, conducted the press conference himself. He took responsibility for the failure -- he said that the team had worked very hard, but that it needed more technological support. He assured the media that in another year, the team would definitely succeed. Now, I was the project director, and it was my failure, but instead, he took responsibility for the failure as chairman of the organization.
The next year, in July 1980, we tried again to launch the satellite -- and this time we succeeded. The whole nation was jubilant. Again, there was a press conference. Prof. Dhawan called me aside and told me, "You conduct the press conference today."
I learned a very important lesson that day. When failure occurred, the leader of the organization owned that failure. When success came, he gave it to his team. The best management lesson I have learned did not come to me from reading a book; it came from that experience.
Tuesday 4 August 2009
Beautiful Silence
the moment when you left your home for the first time and you look back at your parents who are worried that their son/daughter are leaving them yet happy that their child took the first step towards independence.
... the moment when the girl/boy you like most.. smiled back at you! You don't say anything.. you just smile back..
... the moment when you get better marks than you expected... those
"numb" moments of ecstasy n surprise "is that true?"...
.. the moment when you are parting with your old friend(s) and the train has just started... and you are standing on the door of the wagon.. waving "bye-bye" with your heart beating fast...
... the moment after the HR manager has just called you and told you,"You are through! Congrats!"
... the moment when you sit alone in your room after having told everyone that you cleared that exam you prepared for 6 months!!
You can go on remembering your "special" moments! I had always wondered why I never said anything to myself at those moments.. as if it was "understood" ... happiness, joy, pain.. all
feelings just flowed ceaselessly in the 'years' that passed in those flash moments!
They say.. the best way to communicate is through "silence". Love. Joy. Grief. Surprise. Anger. Hope. Expectations. Support. Non-cooperation. ..
Can can you imagine the importance of a silent moment in a song?? When Bryan Adams stops for a while along with music, before he goes
on in his husky voice... ... Please forgive me. I can't stop loving you!
Ever had those moments when you thought you were tired enough that you reach for your bed after dinner.. but find yourself wide awake looking at the roof of your room silently... But you sure are 'thinking'.. . those moments of self-talk are the most important in our lives. Those moments when we listen to our own hearts! Those promises... those decisions... those are the moments when we make our destinies! Next time you go silent... listen carefully to what your heart is saying.. listen to its joy...listen to its pain.. listen to its fears.. listen to its desires..
Don't make it shut up and go off to sleep...
LISTEN TO THAT VOICE and ACCEPT EVERYTHING IT SAYS!
That voice alone can lead you to the abode of peace that your sleep lacks... peace that awaits you!
Be in touch with your true self... be silent once a day, every day !
Silence Speaks More Than Ur Words !!!!!!!
... the moment when the girl/boy you like most.. smiled back at you! You don't say anything.. you just smile back..
... the moment when you get better marks than you expected... those
"numb" moments of ecstasy n surprise "is that true?"...
.. the moment when you are parting with your old friend(s) and the train has just started... and you are standing on the door of the wagon.. waving "bye-bye" with your heart beating fast...
... the moment after the HR manager has just called you and told you,"You are through! Congrats!"
... the moment when you sit alone in your room after having told everyone that you cleared that exam you prepared for 6 months!!
You can go on remembering your "special" moments! I had always wondered why I never said anything to myself at those moments.. as if it was "understood" ... happiness, joy, pain.. all
feelings just flowed ceaselessly in the 'years' that passed in those flash moments!
They say.. the best way to communicate is through "silence". Love. Joy. Grief. Surprise. Anger. Hope. Expectations. Support. Non-cooperation. ..
Can can you imagine the importance of a silent moment in a song?? When Bryan Adams stops for a while along with music, before he goes
on in his husky voice... ... Please forgive me. I can't stop loving you!
Ever had those moments when you thought you were tired enough that you reach for your bed after dinner.. but find yourself wide awake looking at the roof of your room silently... But you sure are 'thinking'.. . those moments of self-talk are the most important in our lives. Those moments when we listen to our own hearts! Those promises... those decisions... those are the moments when we make our destinies! Next time you go silent... listen carefully to what your heart is saying.. listen to its joy...listen to its pain.. listen to its fears.. listen to its desires..
Don't make it shut up and go off to sleep...
LISTEN TO THAT VOICE and ACCEPT EVERYTHING IT SAYS!
That voice alone can lead you to the abode of peace that your sleep lacks... peace that awaits you!
Be in touch with your true self... be silent once a day, every day !
Silence Speaks More Than Ur Words !!!!!!!
Awesome stuff...
Year 2008
He and She are engaged. Both are working in Hyderabad, while their parents are at Gudur. They are going by the same train to Gudur. Incidentally, this is the first time they are traveling together Time 10:00 PM
She : Enti Intha Tvaraga station ku vachharu.. Nenu usual gaa 10.45 train ki aithe 10.30 ki vasthaa
He : Nenu aithe direct gaa secunderabad lo ekkutha
She : Avunaa..He he
He : Sare le...Nenu water bottle konukosthaa..
She : Sare..
He comes back in 2 minutes catching his breath...with lots of other stuff apart from water bottle(choclates,crisps etc),
She : Enduku Alaa parigethhi vastunaaru...Mellaga raavachu gaa...
He : Hmmn...Ante...Nuvvu okka daanive unnavu kadhaa...andukani...
She : Ayyo...Asalu nenu eppudu okka daane travel chesthaanu...Idhe 1st time nenu inkokaritho velthunanu...
He : Hmmmm
She : Sare...Velli train lo kurchundaam raa...
They get into the train
She : Side upper, Side lower book chesaava?
He : Avunu... So that we can talk for sometime. Migatha berths aithe andaru padukuntaaru...
She : Avunu...correcte...smiles naughtily !
Train starts
She : Next year idhe time ki manam pelli tarvatha mana modati Sankranthi ki Vizag velthamu... He: Holds her hand tightly, and gives her one Cadburys temptation chocolate
She : So sweet. Meeku ela telusu naaku e choclate ante ishtamani (even though she doesnt like it) She splits the chocolate into smaller bits, and feeds him the first bit
He : You know what? Nenu eppudu kalalo kuda anukoledhu. That I will fall head over heels for someone.
She : Nenu kuda eppudu anukoledhu raa...
By this time, almost all passengers are asleep. And someone tells Him to talk slowly since he is too loud & disturbing
He : Padha...Door deggariki veldaamu...
He and She are at the door. He opens the door, and they sit at the steps for some 1 hr, they get in and sleep (Of course at their respective berths)
Year 2009
He and She are married for 1 year by now He and She get into the train.
She : A berth?
He : Rendu upper berth book chesaa. No disturbance ( Edhava nasa vundadu )
She : Hmmmm...
He : Sare. water bottle ivvu...
She : Water ledhu...station lo kondhaam ani anukunaa....
He : Mundhe cheppi edavachu gaa! Ippudu chudu train start avvataaniki inko 5 mins kuda ledhu
She : Meeru Elaane anukuntu kurchunte aa 5 mins kooda vundadhu
He : Thooo edava bathuku!
He runs and gets the water bottle (And this time just the water
bottle), just when the train starts She yawns and says
She : Sare. Nenu chaala tired ga vunnanu...Velli padukunta.
He : Ok.. (Paduko ..koncham sepu nenu prashantangaa vuntaa)
After the TTR checks the tickets, he also gets into his berth and tries to sleep. He is not able to sleep after a while, due to some conversation happening below. He turns towards the couple in the side-upper and side-lower berth
He : Babu... If you don't mind, meeru koncham mellaga maatlaadukunte memu padukuntaamu !
The side-upper & side lower couple walk towards the door
And life goes on .................
He and She are engaged. Both are working in Hyderabad, while their parents are at Gudur. They are going by the same train to Gudur. Incidentally, this is the first time they are traveling together Time 10:00 PM
She : Enti Intha Tvaraga station ku vachharu.. Nenu usual gaa 10.45 train ki aithe 10.30 ki vasthaa
He : Nenu aithe direct gaa secunderabad lo ekkutha
She : Avunaa..He he
He : Sare le...Nenu water bottle konukosthaa..
She : Sare..
He comes back in 2 minutes catching his breath...with lots of other stuff apart from water bottle(choclates,crisps etc),
She : Enduku Alaa parigethhi vastunaaru...Mellaga raavachu gaa...
He : Hmmn...Ante...Nuvvu okka daanive unnavu kadhaa...andukani...
She : Ayyo...Asalu nenu eppudu okka daane travel chesthaanu...Idhe 1st time nenu inkokaritho velthunanu...
He : Hmmmm
She : Sare...Velli train lo kurchundaam raa...
They get into the train
She : Side upper, Side lower book chesaava?
He : Avunu... So that we can talk for sometime. Migatha berths aithe andaru padukuntaaru...
She : Avunu...correcte...smiles naughtily !
Train starts
She : Next year idhe time ki manam pelli tarvatha mana modati Sankranthi ki Vizag velthamu... He: Holds her hand tightly, and gives her one Cadburys temptation chocolate
She : So sweet. Meeku ela telusu naaku e choclate ante ishtamani (even though she doesnt like it) She splits the chocolate into smaller bits, and feeds him the first bit
He : You know what? Nenu eppudu kalalo kuda anukoledhu. That I will fall head over heels for someone.
She : Nenu kuda eppudu anukoledhu raa...
By this time, almost all passengers are asleep. And someone tells Him to talk slowly since he is too loud & disturbing
He : Padha...Door deggariki veldaamu...
He and She are at the door. He opens the door, and they sit at the steps for some 1 hr, they get in and sleep (Of course at their respective berths)
Year 2009
He and She are married for 1 year by now He and She get into the train.
She : A berth?
He : Rendu upper berth book chesaa. No disturbance ( Edhava nasa vundadu )
She : Hmmmm...
He : Sare. water bottle ivvu...
She : Water ledhu...station lo kondhaam ani anukunaa....
He : Mundhe cheppi edavachu gaa! Ippudu chudu train start avvataaniki inko 5 mins kuda ledhu
She : Meeru Elaane anukuntu kurchunte aa 5 mins kooda vundadhu
He : Thooo edava bathuku!
He runs and gets the water bottle (And this time just the water
bottle), just when the train starts She yawns and says
She : Sare. Nenu chaala tired ga vunnanu...Velli padukunta.
He : Ok.. (Paduko ..koncham sepu nenu prashantangaa vuntaa)
After the TTR checks the tickets, he also gets into his berth and tries to sleep. He is not able to sleep after a while, due to some conversation happening below. He turns towards the couple in the side-upper and side-lower berth
He : Babu... If you don't mind, meeru koncham mellaga maatlaadukunte memu padukuntaamu !
The side-upper & side lower couple walk towards the door
And life goes on .................
Socrates triple filter test..
In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in high esteem.
One day an acquaintance met the great philosopher and said, "Do you know what I just heard about your friend?"
”Hold on a minute," Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything, I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test." ”Triple filter?" ”That's right,"
Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you're going to say. That's why I call it the triple filter test.”
”The first filter is TRUTH. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"
”No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and..."
’All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not.
Now let's try the second filter, the filter of GOODNESS. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?"
”No, on the contrary..."
”So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, but you're not certain it's true.
You may still pass the test though, because there's one filter left: the filter of USEFULNESS. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?"
”No, not really."
”Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?"
Friends, use this triple filter each time you hear loose talk about any of your near & dear friends.
One day an acquaintance met the great philosopher and said, "Do you know what I just heard about your friend?"
”Hold on a minute," Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything, I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test." ”Triple filter?" ”That's right,"
Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you're going to say. That's why I call it the triple filter test.”
”The first filter is TRUTH. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"
”No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and..."
’All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not.
Now let's try the second filter, the filter of GOODNESS. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?"
”No, on the contrary..."
”So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, but you're not certain it's true.
You may still pass the test though, because there's one filter left: the filter of USEFULNESS. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?"
”No, not really."
”Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?"
Friends, use this triple filter each time you hear loose talk about any of your near & dear friends.
modern mathematics...:P
Equation 1
Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoyDonkey = eat + sleepTherefore,Human = Donkey + work + enjoyTherefore,Human - enjoy = Donkey + workIn other words,Human that don't know enjoy = Donkey that work
===================================================
Equation 2
Men = eat + sleep + earn moneyDonkeys = eat + sleepTherefore,Men = Donkeys + earn moneyTherefore,Men - earn money = DonkeysIn other words,Men that don't earn money = Donkeys
====================================================
Equation 3
Women = eat + sleep + spendDonkeys = eat + sleepTherefore,Women = Donkeys + spendTherefore,Women - spend = DonkeysIn other words,Women that don't spend = Donkeys
=====================================================
To Conclude:
From Equation 2 and Equation 3
Men that don't earn money = Women that don't spend.So, Men earn money not to let women become Donkeys! (Postulate 1)
And, Women spend not to let men become Donkeys! (Postulate 2)
So, we have...
Men+ Women = Donkeys + earn money + Donkeys + spend money
Therefore...
from Postulates 1 and 2,
we can conclude Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys that live happily together!
Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoyDonkey = eat + sleepTherefore,Human = Donkey + work + enjoyTherefore,Human - enjoy = Donkey + workIn other words,Human that don't know enjoy = Donkey that work
===================================================
Equation 2
Men = eat + sleep + earn moneyDonkeys = eat + sleepTherefore,Men = Donkeys + earn moneyTherefore,Men - earn money = DonkeysIn other words,Men that don't earn money = Donkeys
====================================================
Equation 3
Women = eat + sleep + spendDonkeys = eat + sleepTherefore,Women = Donkeys + spendTherefore,Women - spend = DonkeysIn other words,Women that don't spend = Donkeys
=====================================================
To Conclude:
From Equation 2 and Equation 3
Men that don't earn money = Women that don't spend.So, Men earn money not to let women become Donkeys! (Postulate 1)
And, Women spend not to let men become Donkeys! (Postulate 2)
So, we have...
Men+ Women = Donkeys + earn money + Donkeys + spend money
Therefore...
from Postulates 1 and 2,
we can conclude Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys that live happily together!
Monday 3 August 2009
True frnd test
This is GOOD...
I expect it back too!
I especially like the last sentence!!!!!
!A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himselfand doesn't feel even the least bit weird shutting your 'beer/Pepsi drawer' with her foot!
A simple friend has never seen you cry.A real friend shoulder is soggy from your tears.. A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names.A real friend has their phone numbersin his address book.
A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.A real friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean.
A simple friend hates it when you call after they've gone to bed.A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.
A simple friend seeks to talk with you about yourproblems.A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.
A simple friend wonders about your romantic history.A real friend could blackmail you with it!
A simple friend thinks the friendship is over whenyou have an argument.A real friend calls you after you had a fight.
A simple friend expects you to always be there for them.A real friend expects to always be there for you!
'Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who isfalling in love with your smile. '
--The task ahead of you, is never as great as the power behind you.
I expect it back too!
I especially like the last sentence!!!!!
!A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himselfand doesn't feel even the least bit weird shutting your 'beer/Pepsi drawer' with her foot!
A simple friend has never seen you cry.A real friend shoulder is soggy from your tears.. A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names.A real friend has their phone numbersin his address book.
A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.A real friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean.
A simple friend hates it when you call after they've gone to bed.A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.
A simple friend seeks to talk with you about yourproblems.A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.
A simple friend wonders about your romantic history.A real friend could blackmail you with it!
A simple friend thinks the friendship is over whenyou have an argument.A real friend calls you after you had a fight.
A simple friend expects you to always be there for them.A real friend expects to always be there for you!
'Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who isfalling in love with your smile. '
--The task ahead of you, is never as great as the power behind you.
to the 1 who considers me as their....
A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty,
He said...no.
She asked him if he would want to be with her forever...and he said no.
She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry, and once again he replied with a no.
She had heard enough. As she walked away, tears streaming down her face the boy grabbed her arm and said...
You're not pretty you're beautiful.
I don't want to be with you forever, I NEED to be! with you forever.
And I wouldn't cry if you walked away...I'd die...
SO NOW I WILL SAY: I like you because of who you are to me...A true friend.
Remember: "A good friend will come bail you out of jail....
But a true friend will be sitting next to you saying WE screwed up!
" Proud to be your Friend!
Make sure you read all the way down to the last sentence, and don't skip ahead.
YOU ARE MY FRIEND AND I'M UR'S.....!!!
__._,_.___
He said...no.
She asked him if he would want to be with her forever...and he said no.
She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry, and once again he replied with a no.
She had heard enough. As she walked away, tears streaming down her face the boy grabbed her arm and said...
You're not pretty you're beautiful.
I don't want to be with you forever, I NEED to be! with you forever.
And I wouldn't cry if you walked away...I'd die...
SO NOW I WILL SAY: I like you because of who you are to me...A true friend.
Remember: "A good friend will come bail you out of jail....
But a true friend will be sitting next to you saying WE screwed up!
" Proud to be your Friend!
Make sure you read all the way down to the last sentence, and don't skip ahead.
I've learned...that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
I've learned...that we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.
- I've learned...that money doesn't buy class.
- I've learned...that it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
I've learned...that under every! one's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
- I've learned...that the Lord didn't do it all in one day.
I've learned...that to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
. I've learned...that the less time I have to work, the more things I get done.
To all of you...make sure you read all the way down to the last sentence. Show your friends how much you care.YOU ARE MY FRIEND AND I'M UR'S.....!!!
__._,_.___
Facts of LIFE
- Isn't it strange how a 20 rupee note seems like such a large amount when you donate it to temple, but such a small amount when you go shopping?
Isn't it strange how 2 hours seem so long when you're at Temple, and how short they seem when you're watching a good movie?
Isn't it strange that you can't find a word to say when you're praying, but you have no trouble thinking what to talk about with a friend?
Isn't it strange how difficult and boring it is to read one chapter of the Bhagwad Gita, but how easy it is to read 100 pages of a popular novel ?
Isn't it strange how everyone wants front-row-tickets to concerts or games, but they do whatever is possible to sit at the last row in Jagran?
Isn't it strange how we need to know about an event for Temple 2-3 weeks before the day so we can include it in our agenda, but we can adjust it for other events in the last minute?- Isn't it strange how difficult it is to learn a fact about God to share it with others, but how easy it is to learn, understand, extend and repeat gossip?
- Isn't it strange how we believe everything that magazines and newspapers say, but we question the words in the Bhagwad Gita?
- Isn't it strange how everyone wants a place in heaven, but they don't want to believe, do, or say anything to get there?
Isn't it strange how we send jokes in e-mails and they are forwarded right away, but when we are going to send messages about God, we think about it twice before we share it with others?- IT'S STRANGE ISN'T IT?
Y Bill Gates sold off MICROSOFT
Letter is from Dumb MAn to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft
Subject: Problems with my new computer
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found someproblems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.
2. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run' he ran up to Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to 'sit', so that we can click that by sitting.
3. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? Ifind only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home...
4.There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ' find'button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
5. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?
6. I brought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?
7. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.
8. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.
9. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?
10. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God shake please do notprovide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.
Regards,
DM
Last one from me to Mr Bill Gates :Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS?
Subject: Problems with my new computer
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found someproblems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.
2. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run' he ran up to Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to 'sit', so that we can click that by sitting.
3. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? Ifind only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home...
4.There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ' find'button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
5. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?
6. I brought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?
7. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.
8. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.
9. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?
10. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God shake please do notprovide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.
Regards,
DM
Last one from me to Mr Bill Gates :Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS?
Respect ur PARENTS
An 80 year old man was sitting on the sofa in his house along with his 45
years old highly educated son.
Suddenly a crow perched on their window.
The Father asked his Son, "What is this?"
The Son replied "It is a crow".
After a few minutes, the Father asked his Son the 2nd time, "What is this?"
The Son said "Father, I have just now told you "It's a crow".
After a little while, the old Father again asked his Son the 3rd time,
What is this?"
At this time some ex-pression of irritation was felt in the Son's tone when
he said to his Father with a rebuff. "It's a crow, a crow".
A little after, the Father again asked his Son t he 4th time, "What is this?"
This time the Son shouted at his Father, "Why do you keep asking me the
same question again and again, although I have told you so many times 'IT
IS A CROW'. Are you not able to understand this?"
A little later the Father went to his room and came back with an old
tattered diary, which he had maintained since his Son was born. On opening
a page, he asked his Son to read that page. When the son read it, the
following words were written in the diary :-
"Today my little son aged three was sitting with me on the sofa, when a
crow was sitting on the window. My Son asked me 23 times what it was, and
I replied to him all 23 times that it was a Crow.
I hugged him lovingly
each time h e asked me the same question again and again for 23 times. I
did not at all feel irritated I rather felt affection for my innocent child".
While the little child asked him 23 times "What is this", the Father had
felt no irritation in replying to the same question all 23 times and when
today the Father asked his Son the same question just 4 times, the Son felt
irritated and annoyed.
So..
If your parents attain old age, do not repulse them or look at them as a
burden, but speak to them a gracious word, be cool, obedient, humble and
kind to them. Be considerate to your parents.From today say this aloud, "I
want to see my parents happy forever. They have cared for me ever since I
was a little child. They have always showered their selfless love on me.
They crossed all mountains and valleys without seeing the storm and heat to
make me a person presentable in the society today".
Say a prayer to God, "I will serve my old parents in the BEST way. I will
say all good and kind words to my dear parents, no matter how they behave.
years old highly educated son.
Suddenly a crow perched on their window.
The Father asked his Son, "What is this?"
The Son replied "It is a crow".
After a few minutes, the Father asked his Son the 2nd time, "What is this?"
The Son said "Father, I have just now told you "It's a crow".
After a little while, the old Father again asked his Son the 3rd time,
What is this?"
At this time some ex-pression of irritation was felt in the Son's tone when
he said to his Father with a rebuff. "It's a crow, a crow".
A little after, the Father again asked his Son t he 4th time, "What is this?"
This time the Son shouted at his Father, "Why do you keep asking me the
same question again and again, although I have told you so many times 'IT
IS A CROW'. Are you not able to understand this?"
A little later the Father went to his room and came back with an old
tattered diary, which he had maintained since his Son was born. On opening
a page, he asked his Son to read that page. When the son read it, the
following words were written in the diary :-
"Today my little son aged three was sitting with me on the sofa, when a
crow was sitting on the window. My Son asked me 23 times what it was, and
I replied to him all 23 times that it was a Crow.
I hugged him lovingly
each time h e asked me the same question again and again for 23 times. I
did not at all feel irritated I rather felt affection for my innocent child".
While the little child asked him 23 times "What is this", the Father had
felt no irritation in replying to the same question all 23 times and when
today the Father asked his Son the same question just 4 times, the Son felt
irritated and annoyed.
So..
If your parents attain old age, do not repulse them or look at them as a
burden, but speak to them a gracious word, be cool, obedient, humble and
kind to them. Be considerate to your parents.From today say this aloud, "I
want to see my parents happy forever. They have cared for me ever since I
was a little child. They have always showered their selfless love on me.
They crossed all mountains and valleys without seeing the storm and heat to
make me a person presentable in the society today".
Say a prayer to God, "I will serve my old parents in the BEST way. I will
say all good and kind words to my dear parents, no matter how they behave.
History...Mystery
HIS STORY DESTINY PREDESTINED PERFECTLY
MISTRY UNFOLDS THRU HISTORY
IT GOES ON AND ON, OBSERVE THE PERFECTION
History Mystery
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head Now it gets really weird.
Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy. Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln .
Both were assassinated by Southerners
. Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln , was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln , was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.
Now hang on to your seat.
Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln ' made by 'Ford.'
Lincoln was shot in a theater and hi s assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials. And here's the kicker...
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe , Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.
MISTRY UNFOLDS THRU HISTORY
IT GOES ON AND ON, OBSERVE THE PERFECTION
History Mystery
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head Now it gets really weird.
Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy. Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln .
Both were assassinated by Southerners
. Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln , was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln , was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.
Now hang on to your seat.
Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln ' made by 'Ford.'
Lincoln was shot in a theater and hi s assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials. And here's the kicker...
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe , Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.
one paragraph explains LIFE
Arthur Ashe, the legendary Wimbledon player was dying of AIDS which he got due to infected blood he received during a heart surgery in 1983.
From world over, he received letters from his fans, one of which conveyed: "Why does GOD have to select you for such a bad disease"?
To this Arthur Ashe replied:
" The world over -- 50 million children start playing tennis, 5 million learn to play tennis,
500,000 learn professional tennis, 50,000 come to the circuit, 5000 reach the grand slam,
50 reach Wimbledon, 4 to semi final, 2 to the finals,
when I was holding a cup I never asked GOD 'Why me?'.
And today in pain I should not be asking GOD 'Why me?' "
Happiness keeps you Sweet,
Trials keep you Strong,
Sorrow keeps you Human,
Failure keeps you humble and Success keeps you glowing, but only Faith & Attitude Keeps you going...
From world over, he received letters from his fans, one of which conveyed: "Why does GOD have to select you for such a bad disease"?
To this Arthur Ashe replied:
" The world over -- 50 million children start playing tennis, 5 million learn to play tennis,
500,000 learn professional tennis, 50,000 come to the circuit, 5000 reach the grand slam,
50 reach Wimbledon, 4 to semi final, 2 to the finals,
when I was holding a cup I never asked GOD 'Why me?'.
And today in pain I should not be asking GOD 'Why me?' "
Happiness keeps you Sweet,
Trials keep you Strong,
Sorrow keeps you Human,
Failure keeps you humble and Success keeps you glowing, but only Faith & Attitude Keeps you going...
monsoon...com soon....
varanuda nee kosam...
thana loni matti suvasanalu vedajallalani bharisthundi pudami thalli bhaggumantunna enda vedimi mantalu,
purivippi natyamaade mayooram kolpoindi thana anandaalu,
mathalaku atheethanga samarasyanni chatuthuu chesina phalitham dakkani yagnaalu,
eppudeppudu ee bahya prapanchanni chusthama antu panta chelello dakoni unna vittanalu,
aakashamanthaa kaarumabbula kammukundaamani aah neelimeghaalu,
ee navasamajam lo jeevinchaneeyaka, kaneesam adavullo brathukeedudhamantunna chetloo chemaaluu,
oka sravanthi vale pravahindhamanukune selayerlu vaaguluu,
gonthu thadaaripokunda gukkedu neeti kosam pedavaadu nadiche mylla dooraalu ,
karuvukaatakalaku thalladilluthu, aakali dappikala kosam alamatinche bhadugujeevi edurukuntunna enno kastalu....
eduru chusthunayee..
ikanina thamani karuninchi varshimpamani, thana challani raaka kosam vechi chusthunnamani naa manasuloni bhavala chetha thelupakane teluputhunnaviiii
thana loni matti suvasanalu vedajallalani bharisthundi pudami thalli bhaggumantunna enda vedimi mantalu,
purivippi natyamaade mayooram kolpoindi thana anandaalu,
mathalaku atheethanga samarasyanni chatuthuu chesina phalitham dakkani yagnaalu,
eppudeppudu ee bahya prapanchanni chusthama antu panta chelello dakoni unna vittanalu,
aakashamanthaa kaarumabbula kammukundaamani aah neelimeghaalu,
ee navasamajam lo jeevinchaneeyaka, kaneesam adavullo brathukeedudhamantunna chetloo chemaaluu,
oka sravanthi vale pravahindhamanukune selayerlu vaaguluu,
gonthu thadaaripokunda gukkedu neeti kosam pedavaadu nadiche mylla dooraalu ,
karuvukaatakalaku thalladilluthu, aakali dappikala kosam alamatinche bhadugujeevi edurukuntunna enno kastalu....
eduru chusthunayee..
ikanina thamani karuninchi varshimpamani, thana challani raaka kosam vechi chusthunnamani naa manasuloni bhavala chetha thelupakane teluputhunnaviiii
Friday 24 July 2009
save animals......
Please read below
Subject: PLEASE SIGN.
I pray that petitions like this will succeed, because if they don't, what hope is there for mankind.
If you want to act, press 'forward', add your name to the bottom and send on to as many as you like; Please sign, don't watch video its just too painful but we have to try and stop this brutality. It's about animal rights. But if you must watch there is a link below.I explain the process below:
With a hidden camera, animals were filmed being SKINNED ALIVE. They say it's done to get a more perfect ''cut''. Afterwards the carcasses are tossed into a pile, still alive, and for up to 10 minutes you can see their hearts still beating, in agony, their eyes still blinking, and the puppies little paws still shaking. There was one pup that still lifted his head and gazed at the camera with bloodied eyes. If you don't care to see the video, please sign and forward to your friends. This monstrosity has to be stopped, we have to act! Please scroll down and add your signature to the petition and send to everyone in your address book. Do not click on the link, you have been warned - it's just too gruesome to watch. Something needs to done to stop it. Thanks for your support.There is no need to see the video, but if you must, be aware, it's full of excruciating violence. Its painful silence affects us all deeply. If we don't protect animals from this type of brutality, we become accomplices.http://www.peta.org/feat/ChineseFurFarms/index.aspWhen the list reaches 500 names, please forward to:PETA2@peta.org Thank you.
Subject: PLEASE SIGN.
I pray that petitions like this will succeed, because if they don't, what hope is there for mankind.
If you want to act, press 'forward', add your name to the bottom and send on to as many as you like; Please sign, don't watch video its just too painful but we have to try and stop this brutality. It's about animal rights. But if you must watch there is a link below.I explain the process below:
With a hidden camera, animals were filmed being SKINNED ALIVE. They say it's done to get a more perfect ''cut''. Afterwards the carcasses are tossed into a pile, still alive, and for up to 10 minutes you can see their hearts still beating, in agony, their eyes still blinking, and the puppies little paws still shaking. There was one pup that still lifted his head and gazed at the camera with bloodied eyes. If you don't care to see the video, please sign and forward to your friends. This monstrosity has to be stopped, we have to act! Please scroll down and add your signature to the petition and send to everyone in your address book. Do not click on the link, you have been warned - it's just too gruesome to watch. Something needs to done to stop it. Thanks for your support.There is no need to see the video, but if you must, be aware, it's full of excruciating violence. Its painful silence affects us all deeply. If we don't protect animals from this type of brutality, we become accomplices.http://www.peta.org/feat/ChineseFurFarms/index.aspWhen the list reaches 500 names, please forward to:PETA2@peta.org Thank you.
Thursday 23 July 2009
new office polacies for companies
EFFECTIVE JANUARY 1, 2009
NEW OFFICE POLICY
Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation
And input should be directed elsewhere.
The Management
NEW OFFICE POLICY
Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation
And input should be directed elsewhere.
The Management
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